Forgiveness

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I’m going to invite you this morning to turn to Matthew 18 is where we’re going to be, and I’m going to set the framework to what we’re about to discuss this morning in Philippians chapter three and verse 13. It has been a verse that’s sort of set. The tone and the theme of of what we are, are accomplishing in this series together, and that is recognizing that God has given his life for us for a purpose we have worth as people, and it’s attributed to us because of Christ’s life being laid down for us. And God has called us to something in him. God has designed you for a unique and intentional purpose in this world. There’s not a person on this world, not a person in this room. That is an accident. God knew how you would exist when you would exist. And he tells us in Psalm 139, he has intricately created you. And Paul writes about this in Philippians chapter three. In his relationship with God, he says this. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself have having taken hold of it. But one thing I do forget what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. See, there is no future in your past. God has called us forward in our relationship with him. We recognize that in our walk with the Lord in this world, there are things in life that bring us to stopping points that stunt us in our growth and relationship with God, and we’ve discussed some of those things together.

The first that we looked at a few weeks ago was the idea of pain, as we talked about the persecuted church. Then we addressed your modeling career, right. That was really significant. And and then temptation and how it it affects our relationship with God. And today we’re going to we’re going to talk about something as significant as these other topics that we’ve addressed together. I’m going to build that framework as to why we’re discussing it together. But in John chapter 13 and verse 34, Jesus, and when he’s in the upper room with his disciples, he begins to teach them some of the most significant lessons as it relates to their relationship with God. Jesus spends just a few hours of his life with the most intimate relationships that he has built on in this world with his disciples. And he says something very interesting in John 13 and verse 34, he says this A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. And by this others will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. When Jesus calls this a new commandment, the idea of love isn’t something new to Scripture. In fact, God is love. The Bible tells us in first John, and the very reason that God is love, I think is the reason why we exist as people.

Because the attitude of love is always about giving itself away, and God and His glory created us as people in order to lavish his love upon us, in creating us, to then reflect his glory by loving him in return, by responding to his love. The Bible tells us we first we love him because he first loved us. So the commandment of loving one another isn’t a new commandment, but what Jesus is attributing to this commandment is that we love one another as he has loved us. See, what makes this commandment new is the demonstration of Christ’s love that’s been displayed to us in this world. That Jesus, humbling himself becomes the form of a man, takes up sin and dies for us on a cross. There is no extent in which he would go that his love could be lavished on those he has created in his image, and Jesus and his new commandment now creating his church, that he says, the gates of hell will not prevail against it, the way that he wants us to distinguish our mark as being represented. Representatives of him in this world is seen through the way that we love, and the extent of that love is demonstrated in the way that Christ loves us. A new commandment I given to you, that you love one another as I have loved you. That is what makes this commandment new, is the demonstration of the love in which Jesus has shown us.

And in fact, in Ephesians chapter two and verse four and five, in describing what Christ has done, it says this. But God being rich in mercy because of the great love which he which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. By grace you have been saved. What Paul’s acknowledging in Ephesians chapter two is that the extent is of his love. It’s this the greatness of his love is demonstrated in what Jesus has done. Jesus’s love. Is a forgiving love. In fact, that’s what we’re going to talk about this morning. In order to move forward. As Paul says in Philippians chapter three and verse 13, uh, as people in God’s image, we’ve got to learn to be forgiving people. There’s two ways in which I want to talk about forgiveness this morning as it relates to our lives. The first is being forgiven. And the second is forgiving in itself. When I say a word like that, my tendency inside is just to kind of say it with the most tender care that I can think of when the word forgiveness is expressed. Because to say to us this morning that we need to be a forgiving people. I also recognize that it’s not always easy. And by making a statement like that, sometimes within our hearts, immediately there there are objections or fears that are raised because there are things that we’ve encountered in life, that there are areas that are just difficult to forgive in.

You know, when Peter begins to recognize what Jesus is accomplishing in this world, he noted that God’s people are a forgiving people. And in Matthew chapter 18, where you are this morning in verse 21, when Peter starts to recognize this, he’s one of those guys that likes to think out loud. I don’t know if that’s you or or someone you can think of, but you know the guy that always just they can’t just sit and think and process it through their mind. They’ve got to talk it out before they quite get to to the idea. That’s Peter, right? I think that’s me a lot of times. But it’s Peter in this passage and and in Matthew chapter 18, sitting with the Lord and beginning to recognize that God’s people are a forgiving people. He says in verse 21, Then Peter came and said to him, talking about Jesus, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me? And I forgive him up to seven times. And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times seven. Jesus then goes on to talk about a story from here. But but what Peter is doing in this passage is actually pretty remarkable in what he’s recognized, what what Christ has done and what he means to this world.

I mean, Jesus has walked with Peter, and Peter has walked with Jesus since Jesus has called Peter from fishing and through his brother Andrew and and he’s begun to recognize in Jesus’s life what Jesus has modeled. Because Jesus has gone through this world and and repeatedly told people, your sins have been forgiven. God’s people are forgiving people. And so Peter just asked the question of Jesus. Well, Jesus, if we’re a forgiving people, how many times should we forgive? And when Peter asked Jesus, should we forgive seven times this would have been considered in the community, remarkably gracious and forgiving, because what’s taught during Peter’s time is that in order to forgive people, what you’re required to do as a person is to forgive someone’s offenses three times. So Peter’s like, I’m going to double that and add a little cherry on top, right. What about seven times? Jesus. What do you think about that? Are not are not the most spiritual disciple that you have? And Jesus then makes a shocking statement, and then he goes on a little further in the next verse, and he begins to share a parable or a story that relates to his statement. He says, no, no, no, Peter, it’s not seven times. It’s 70 times seven. And what Jesus is saying here. Look, the the number is so large, Peter, that you’re not even going to be able to keep track of it because God’s people are a forgiving people.

And Jesus then goes on to tell a parable. And I just want us to, as we read this parable together, keep this thought in mind. Jesus often taught in parables, and the point of a parable is to teach one central truth. Okay. Now, there are certain parables within Scripture that Jesus, after he teaches them, gives a few reasons why he teaches the parable. He’ll list more than one reason. But traditionally, when, when, when the Hebrew language, when the individuals during Jesus’s time would teach a parable, it was so that one central truth would come across. Now I’m going to tell you what I think that is, and we dive into this together. But I think the main point is this that God’s people forgive people because forgiven people forgive people, right? If you want it simplified, forgiven people, forgive people. That’s Jesus’s story. And when Jesus is saying this to Peter, it’s to recognize in Peter’s life, Peter, without my forgiveness, you wouldn’t be anywhere as a person. It’s Jesus’s forgiveness on us that gives us worth, purpose, meaning, and identity in him. It’s what sets you free. God’s people are a forgiving people. One of the reasons I want to break that down for us this morning. Just centralizing the theme in our minds is because I’m going to talk some of the specifics of this parable, but throughout the idea of this parable, it’s important and pertinent that we understand what the main idea is, because this is what happens in the danger of parables.

Sometimes people read into parables things that were never intended to be understood in a parable, and you can get some whacked out beliefs that way. Because the purpose of them are to create for us one central truth. But I’m going to talk about some of the specifics of this parable and break it out as it relates to us in Scripture. And I think one of the most important things, in order for us to be a forgiven people, in order to forgive people, is that we we begin the journey by recognizing we must receive forgiveness. And so Jesus starts his story. It says this. Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. And when he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. And since he could not pay his master, since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and his children, all that he had, and payment to be made. So? So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, have patience with me. I will pay you everything. And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. Now, when Jesus begins to share this story, he starts to with an idea of shocking us.

He starts with this number of talents that this servant owes him. If you read any commentaries as it relates to our way that we currently have currency today, or the way that we make payments today, the amount the servant owed, it’s estimated somewhere around $6 billion, right? Now, I looked this up just for fun. What’s the probability of being able to pay back $6 billion? Okay, if you’re an American citizen, be encouraged because you have seven times more likelihood of being able to pay this back. But the idea of even being a millionaire in America, you have less than a 1% chance of becoming a millionaire today. In order to be a billionaire, you have 1 in 1,000,000 chance of having $1 billion. Now 6 billion? I don’t even know. But the point is, is that Jesus is shocking Peter with this story to get his attention. I mean, look at the significant debt this individual owes. This guy owes owes his master $6 billion. And now just think for a minute of the unreasonable attitude of this servant. Like, I got this. I can pay you back, right? Like, what gives me the inclination that you could ever pay this back? I’ve given you 6 million so far. You have zero. Now, why am I to imagine today that you would go out and have the money to even be able to return this, let alone live? It’s the unlikelihood.

You get the point right? This servant needs forgiven. And he is completely in debt. Now you’re going to recognize as we go throughout the story, the attitude of the servant isn’t one that’s thankful for the forgiveness that he receives. In the end, you’re going to see that this is a guy that really all he wants is to get off the hook so he can continue to do whatever he wants to do with his life. There is no gratitude for the forgiveness, leading us to believe that his heart really wasn’t transformed by the forgiveness, or he hadn’t really received it. He just took it to get off the hook and was gone. One of the ways you can recognize it within this, this text of Scripture is seen by the way this individual never approached his master. I mean, his tendency was to continue to avoid. Let’s not confront. Let’s not worry about it. I’ll just work on it. He never went to his master and asked for the forgiveness until he realized his life was on the line, or he was going to lose what was precious to him and what was important to him. And and so then then he, he he said what he needed to say just to get out of that moment. Right. See this servant. In order to receive forgiveness, the battle within his heart is pried. Pride prohibits him from seeing how tremendous his need is when it comes to receiving forgiveness.

I mean, it can be that way with our relationship to Jesus. So sometimes we like to think when we come to Christ, we’ve got to offer everything to impress him with how great we are to prove that we can pay our debt, never recognizing that the whole point of Jesus’s death, or never acknowledging the whole point of Jesus’s death, is to pay that price for you because you owe a debt for what you could never pay. And pride keeps the heart from seeking the grace and forgiveness in which God has already provided. The second, though, is you think about forgiveness. This. This doesn’t necessarily relate specifically to this text, but number two, I would say the reason we we are not willing to seek forgiveness is because as people oftentimes were too broken and broken people often don’t feel worthy to receive forgiveness. You know, one of the things I love about the Book of Psalms is I feel like that book is especially written for people who struggle in an attitude of brokenness that may not feel even worthy to receive forgiveness. And the Psalms repeatedly acknowledge a need for Christ. In Psalm 34 and verse 18, it says this the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. In either case, whether it becomes the brokenness of not feeling worthy to receive forgiveness or the pride, not willing to confess a need for forgiveness, I think the solution in both circumstances comes down to the same thought.

And I would say it like this forgiveness isn’t something you achieve, it’s something you receive. Forgiveness isn’t something you achieve, it’s something you receive. Servant of pride to even think that you could earn $6 billion. It’s absurd. Servant in despair. Feeling unworthy to receive the grace of God. We’re also acknowledging. Something more about our lives than what Jesus is saying to us. Let me just say it like this. In your life. Sometimes you may feel unworthy. But Jesus says differently. Maybe you have wronged him and maybe you have sinned. But Jesus has enough love and care and concern for you. That he dies for you in that. You’re preaching a message to yourself that Christ hasn’t preached to you. Right. It’s true. It’s true. We sin. Right? I think the solution for both the servant of pride and the servant and despair is the same, right? Forgiveness isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you receive. But. But here’s the beauty of what forgiveness brings. There is both humility in it, and there’s identity in it. And for us to really understand what forgiveness is and to receive forgiveness, I think that’s important. That there is humility to recognize just how much I need forgiven. I mean, a $6 billion debt is pretty big. There is humility to recognize how much I need to receive forgiveness.

But there’s also an identity I take in the forgiveness in which I receive in Christ, and those that wrestle with the brokenness of needing forgiveness. The encouragement is to shape yourself in the identity of which Christ brings you, because of the forgiveness that he has offered to you. Like I said, I think the Psalms are full of that imagery. For us, Psalm 51 is David’s Psalm of repentance, which, by the way, this is in the connection group notes for you. If you want to study this week, Psalm 103 is the important Psalm that acknowledges what Jesus does with our sin. It tells us it separated as far as the east is from the west. Psalm 139 knowing what? What will be his people, knowing that we’ll be born in sin. It talks about the beauty of us being created in God’s image, and how God intricately cares for every one of us, no matter where we are. Uh, forgiveness isn’t something that that that you achieve. It’s something you receive. And in receiving it, there is both humility and recognizing our need for it. And a new identity that’s shaped in Christ because of what Jesus has done for us. There’s a story that Jesus tells in Luke chapter seven. It’s a story that Luke tells about Jesus in Luke chapter seven. And and there’s a lady present before Christ. And the Bible tells us that she’s just overcome with the goodness of, of Christ.

And, and Jesus says in Luke seven and verse 48 of this chapter, her sins are forgiven. But this lady just would not stop caring and loving for Jesus. It tells us in this passage that she even washes her feet with her hair and and her tears are what she’s using to do it. She’s just thankful for Christ. And and when you read the story, you get this feeling that this this is a lady who has been beat up in life, who feels worthless in life, who who may not have an identity or the identity that she does have. She she sees no value in it because it just continues to lower her. But now Christ comes into her life and forgives her and elevates her. And she finds meaning and worth and purpose in who she is. And it tells us in the Bible which, by the way, don’t ever do this to me. But she comes before Jesus and she just weeps over his feet and washes her feet with with her hair, which culturally makes sense then, but does not today. Right? Don’t touch my feet. But this is what Jesus says in Luke chapter seven. Therefore I tell you. Her sins, which are many, are forgiven. For she loved much. But he is forgiven little. Loves little. So I think Jesus is also teaching us through this statement, just the thought of what the servant is. In Matthew chapter 18, because his response when he walks away from this forgiveness is one that just displays he didn’t understand what happened.

But when you come to Christ in the humility of brokenness and you realize there is a debt you cannot pay. And you find the humility of that. But at the same time you meet a Jesus who loves you, who who identifies with you himself by becoming flesh, but elevates you and lifts you up in in him. There’s beauty in that moment. And and you’re just learning from this passage that God’s people are a forgiven people because forgiven people forgive people. And the more we recognize how much our need is for Jesus, rather than criticizing others, we empathize with them because had you not encountered Christ, you would be in the very same shoes there. And in fact, sometimes, if not all the time, when you walk out of of of your building of worship on Sunday mornings, the temptation immediately begins, right? Maybe even now, who knows? We struggle in our sin. You know the sorrows of the church when we don’t understand what forgiveness is, that we come in on Sunday singing praise of God’s grace, and we walk out the doors looking for vengeance and justice. Right? I’ve heard it said that Christians that don’t understand forgiveness are people that don’t understand the forgiveness in which Jesus came. When you come to when you when you come to accept Christ by not forgiving, you burn the very bridge that you yourself had to cross the cross.

Matthew’s story goes on. But when the same servant went out. He found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, pay what you owe. So his servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me, and I will pay you. And he refused, and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. And when his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that this servant lacked after he left his master. The story is now telling us that that he goes out into the world, and he begins to attack the very thing that he he himself just found forgiveness in. And if you were just to write the definition of a hypocrite, it would be the story of this man being lived out now. And he he had a debt he could not pay. He now encounters a servant that owes him money, who has a debt he could not pay. And rather than grace. He brings his wrath. Now the counter picture of this is this individual owed about today the equivalent of $12,000. And drop in the bucket in comparison to 6 billion, right? You know, one of the things that I recognize from the servant is he’s he’s walking out as he made a conscious choice after being forgiven that he would not forgive.

The Bible, I think, acknowledges for us as people, forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t easy. In fact, in Ephesians chapter four and verse three, it tells us, make every effort to preserve the bond of peace with one another. The unity of spirit. The Bible tells us that because it’s not our natural tendency, right? Maybe even the last few days. You paid attention to the news. You’ve seen some atrocities that took place in France. And I think there’s a place where countries are allowed to seek justice and protect its people. I think God gives us the opportunity to do that. But you know what the Bible tells us as people? Pray for those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. I think you have the right to protect yourselves. But God doesn’t call us to spew hate, right? Forgiven people forgive people. Hearts need transformed. And we desire for God to work. Make every effort to preserve the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. Forgiveness isn’t easy. But the servant went out and he made a choice. So the truth is, when it comes to forgiveness, forgiveness is a choice. I don’t want to discredit that there isn’t something emotional that we need to work through. I think forgiveness is attached to our emotions because when God calls us to forgive, if there’s been a wrong within our lives, there there’s always that emotional tie to the experience that we have, and we need to work through those emotions.

But forgiveness always starts with a choice. I’ve heard it said once that bitterness, vengeance, unforgiveness. It’s like this. That you’re drinking the poison, expecting someone else to die. The reality is when within our hearts we carry an attitude of of unforgiveness in our minds we we think to ourselves all the things that we could do to the individual, which we’re frustrated at, but they themselves may never, never even know that we’re angry with them. In fact, Warren Wiersbe said this some of the most miserable people I’ve met are those who do not forgive. They live only to imagine ways to punish people they have wronged, only to discover the only person they have truly punished was theirself. Forgiveness starts with a choice. I think sometimes as people, we we we bucket forgiveness because in our mind, we have a preconceived idea of what forgiveness is that necessarily isn’t accurate. Forgiveness does not mean forgiving or forgetting. Excuse me? Forgiveness does mean forgiving. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. In fact, I think sometimes forgetting, uh, forgetting would not be helpful in certain situations. Uh, for example, if you have someone within your life that struggles with addiction and you care about them, I know within our family and our past, we had some similar situation like that where we invited them into our home.

They took from us, they went out and pawned it, ended it back up on the streets, and we brought them back into the house. We forgave them. We allowed them to come back when they when they were ready to go through the process of trying to overcome this addiction again. But there’s something we didn’t forget that they took, right? And so because we cared about them rather rather than tempt them again, we took the possessions in which helped them to to go towards that addiction again. And we we hit our valuables. We kept our valuables away from them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, and in fact, it may be helpful not to forget. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be best friends, right? In fact, just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to call them BFF the next day. So the reality is when you forgive, sometimes there are scars and there are emotional healing that needs to take place there. And just to pretend like someone’s your best friend at that moment. Is to ignore some of the pain that you’re working through yourselves. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you, you you let yourself get abused, right? I mean, if you’re in a situation where someone is beating you up and you’re like, well, I guess I got to forgive him. No. Get away. I mean, you can forgive him from a distance. It’s important that you be safe.

But forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re continually putting yourself in abuse. Forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you can’t confront the problem. When someone wrongs you. I think one of the most healing things you can do is just say, hey, this happened between us and I care about our relationship. The the whole point of forgiveness is, is about reconciliation. And so when someone’s wronged you, forgiveness doesn’t also mean that you use what they’ve done wrong to beat them over the head with right? Like, you’ve done me wrong. And so now I’m going to just show you that you owe me and I forgive, right? Forgiveness. Means releasing someone from responsibility to the account in which they owe. Forgiveness is what allows us to move past. Forgiveness from the Lord. Allows us to move past our separation from him and to enjoy him forgiving other people. It allows us to move past being the person that has to bring the vengeance, right? And what you find is that when you make it your responsibility to carry out the vengeance, you’re the person that often finds themselves in jail. Spiritually speaking. In fact, that’s the way Jesus ends his story. I’m going to read just verse 32 for time, but it says this. Then his master summoned him and said to him, look, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. You didn’t get it. What kind of bad servant is that? You didn’t get just how much I forgave you.

And the servant finds himself in jail. And the truth isn’t the matter. When we in our hearts hold on to unforgiveness. The bitterness takes root. And in that bitterness, we find ourselves placing our own selves in a prison or jail. And you ever been in that place of unforgiveness where when that person walks in the room, you’re like, oh, that person walks in the room and all of a sudden your mind goes from, I’m not necessarily honoring Jesus or loving people, but all you can think about is just how much frustration you have towards that person. I mean, it is isolated you from living the way that that God desires you to live, because it’s trapped you in the bitterness and unforgiveness of what you carry. Let’s acknowledge the reality of it. Forgiveness is a choice. But there is the emotion that you continue to wrestle with. There are the scars that lay on your heart that every time you experience it, you make the choice to forgive. The servant didn’t understand what what forgiveness was about. And I would say what Jesus is communicating here is a little deeper than that. This servant doesn’t understand what the gospel is about. In fact, in our lives. I could go a little further when when we choose not to forgive, maybe we could ask the question. Do I really understand what the whole point of the gospel is? This guy and the story didn’t really want forgiveness.

All he was interested in is is just to get off the hook. I was, uh, I remember in college, right when I first came to know the Lord, I went on a retreat with high school students. I was helping out this retreat where you got no sleep and you ate really bad food, and kids had a super fun time, and then you went back and recovered for a couple of days, and and, um, we were playing this game, and this game had so much rules to it. I’m just thinking, yeah, it’d be fun, but there’s there’s so much freedom in this game with all these rules that kids are just going to run out and cheat and do what they want. So I asked the person leading and I just said, what are you going to do to prevent kids from cheating? And he looks back and says, nothing. And I said, well, how in the world are we going to enjoy this game? And he just said, he just looked up and he said, listen, guys, you can go out and cheat if you want. But any rule I make, or any justice I say about these rules, is not going to be anything in comparison to the justice of God. So fear God and go enjoy yourselves, right? That was his statement. And when he says that, all of a sudden I’m sitting there and just thinking, huh? You know, it, it it made so much practical sense to spiritual life.

Like, I’m not God. Do you do you know the way that that Jesus encouraged the persecuted church or the Bible encourages the persecuted church? Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord. Pray for those who persecute you. Romans chapter 12, verse 17 and 21. You want to read it later this week? Check it out. But what the Bible is saying is, listen, your shoulders aren’t big enough to carry the justice of this world has coming. So let it go and let me take control, because I promise whatever God wants to do is going to be better than you harboring it in yourself. God’s got this. And the truth of the matter is, at that point, forgiveness becomes an area of trust in your life. I’m not going to hold on to it. Oh Lord, am I going to move past you and let you take care of it, knowing that you really care for me? Do you know how you know Jesus really cares for you? He’s forgiven your $6 billion. Jesus meets you in your need. Matthew six. I’m going to just share this passage in a story and call it good for today. But I was reading through the Lord’s Prayer this week. Our father, which art in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done right.

Looking for God’s kingdom but desiring to accomplish his will. In verse 11 it says something pretty interesting, I think, and it ties into verse 12. But he says this give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. So the focus of this prayer is living for the kingdom and accomplishing accomplishing his will for the day. And the detail of this prayer, he says, give us our daily bread and forgive us our debt. You know, I used to look at these just two thoughts exclusive to one another. We need we need stuff and we need to forgive, you know? But I think what Jesus is teaching us in this prayer is how this holistically helps you as an individual to live out the will of God for the kingdom of God in this world. See, give us this day. Our daily bread isn’t just saying, you know, everybody gets to eat bread. But this prayer, what it’s literally saying to us is what we need for today. God be there to meet that need. But at the same time, Lord, I want to enjoy you where I am. So if there’s anything that’s separated me relationally from you, help me to do that. God, if there’s anything in the past where someone’s wronged me and I’m holding on to that, God help me to forgive and forgive me and my sins with you as I forgive those who I have wronged or I forgive those who have wronged me.

Excuse me. And so the prayer of Matthew six, the Lord’s Prayer is literally, God help me in this moment to let go of everything. I don’t need to be concerned and worried about so I can live for the kingdom for which I am called to live. When I was. In elementary school. I grew up in the home of a single mom and she worked full time, went to school full time, and my aunt, uh, similar thing. Single mom going to school full time. And so they would, in between school sessions, trade off kids. So I’d go with my aunt and my aunt’s kids would come with my mom, and they worked through school together that way, sharing and and my aunt, my mom lived out in the country in a not not wealthy area at all. My aunt the same thing, only she was in the city and we would call where she lived the ghetto. Right? And so I would go to the ghetto and, and I would visit her and she would watch me. And at one point she was in this particular apartment that has a tremendous reputation in the city in which I’m from. If you guys are from the area, you’ll know it’s called Markham Terrace. Right. And and it’s in Huntington, West Virginia. So there’s only like two people that know that, but so so it’s called Markham Terrace.

And so I remember I went to this area and one day I go out to play. It’s my first time there. And I didn’t know this about this area. But the new kids get initiated, right? And here I am, a new kid, elementary school. I get taken from the front porch of my aunt’s house by knifepoint. These older teenage kids hold a knife to my throat. Tell me if I tell anyone they’re going to kill me. If I try to escape, they’re going to kill me. But their intentions are to use me to go from house to house to this area. I’m going to rob these homes for them. One of them’s going to stay in the front door, in the back door, and I’m going to rob these homes for them and give this to the kids. And they decide. They decide. I’m just nervous out of my mind. And and they decide that to find out how good I am, the first thing I’m going to have me do is to rob this child who’s driving by on a bike, um, as he’s passing by and this kid’s playing in front of his house. So I go up and I do it. I rob this kid of his bike. Um, but I use it as my getaway. They’re thinking I’m just going to bring it to him, and I just book it out of there, I am safe, praise God, you know? But but here’s the thing.

When I go back into the home I am, I am scared beyond my mind just to tell somebody. Because these kids told me if I say anything, they’re going to kill me. And I’m afraid if they if they don’t do do something to me, they may do something to my aunt, they may do something to my mom. So I just I just keep it to myself. Well, I go home nervous the whole night, staying up all night because I know the next day. Guess where mom’s going to take me. Back, right? And a few days go by, I managed not to go outside, and I ended up back outside again because my aunt probably got tired of an elementary kid driving her nuts in the house, and she puts me back outside. And I still haven’t told anybody because I’m scared. So I’m just out there for my life, and the next thing I find myself in is a gang fight. And I am just nervous out of my mind. I don’t even know what to do with myself. And I’m just I’m scared as a kid just hearing those things. You don’t know how to process it. You don’t know where the safe place is. And I was literally putting myself in a jail. I didn’t know what to do. And I remember I remember the last day that I was in a gang fight.

My mom, um, finds out about this. The whole neighborhood actually finds out about this because I. I won, and the kid I fought, um, was crying so loud, but this gang wouldn’t let me go. That the neighbors come out to the screaming of this kids. I’m trying to just preserve my own life. And fighting this child as a as a young child myself. And my mom finds out about it, and she just tells me on the ride home. Listen, you don’t have to go back there. I’m just thinking. Thank you. God. Thank you God. Finally I feel safe and that whole time just wrestling within my heart, just not knowing who to trust, what to do, just depending on myself. On the side note of that. This summer I took my kids swimming a few times. Safe environment, right? I sent him on the side of the pool. He jumps from the pool and I catch him. He’s all nervous. I’ve got to talk him into it. We do it a few times, do it a few times. By the end of the summer, after going to the pool, he finally now runs up to the edge of the pool and he just jumps in by himself and he. And he gets back up and jumps again. Jumps one of those times where it drives you so crazy. He’s like, watch me, dad, watch me dad. Like I’ve seen the 700 times.

How many times can someone look at a cannonball? But he’s just living in that freedom and loving the moment. And a part of you as a parent are just so thankful for that freedom. I think forgiveness works like that for us. There is a place in our lives. Sometimes we are afraid. We don’t know what to trust. We don’t want to lay it down before God thinking that what he has is better. We just don’t know what to do with it. And we’ve put ourselves in jail. But what God desires in providing you that safe environment is to see the freedom of a child just jumping, saying, watch me, God, watch me, God, watch me. That freedom he gives you for you to enjoy, because his hand is far bigger than the burden that you bear through the vengeance that you want to carry. Forgiveness. It helps you to let go. To move past and to trust. It’s not easy. I know it’s not easy because emotionally there are things that rest in it, but it is a choice. And the thing that helps us get through that is to look at the servant and say, God, this hurts me. But Lord, I’m looking at how much you’ve forgiven me. And you’ve given me that identity in you. And just as you’ve cared for me that way, I’m going to trust you with this.

Temptation

Adversity